>Mind

Are you uncomfortable in your skin?

MS / 9 September 2015

Body confidence

I recently started a new relationship having been single for many years. It's all very exciting, but something of an emotional roller-coaster to get to this point.

Like many of us these days, I had a grizzly relationship breakdown about eight years ago, followed by a period of unhappiness and uncertainty, a house move and then a redundancy. As you might imagine if you've seen me around at Motus, I'm an emotional eater. I long to be one of those people who loses their appetite in times of stress. My response is to push the emotion back into my body, quite literally, by forcing it down with food. I enjoy good food, so the feeling of pleasure from eating a lot of it completely trumped any negative feelings which were attempting to surface. A fantastic avoidance strategy!

I finally got bored of being single, but realised I wasn't going to find anyone unless I did something about the way I felt and looked. Meeting Darren and the Motus team a couple of years ago rebooted me, I'm 50lbs lighter and feeling so much better in my skin. At least I thought I was.

Have any of you tried internet dating? OMG! Well, I joined Match a couple of months ago, and was quite quickly messaged by a couple of guys. On the one hand it was very exciting and affirming. On the other, I was absolutely terrified at the thought of getting into an intimate relationship with someone. I didn't realise until they got in touch with me that I still had real body confidence issues.

I remember talking with Darren as I wasn't sleeping and my weight had increased, and he asked me what was on my mind. I wasn't sure at the time, but realised within a day or so of our discussion just what was going on. I'd spent the last two years working hard to improve my shape, and hadn't spent enough time working on improving my head. And as a result, there was a danger that having got to the point of ‘I'm ready for a new relationship' that I was going to run a mile in the opposite direction.

Body confidence can strike any of us, any shape or size. You don't have to be my size to be uncomfortable in your skin. And when you are uncomfortable, it can be completely debilitating. It stops you from achieving what you want to in life, or feeling free to be you. Have you noticed that those with body confidence look radiant (again, whatever their shape)?

I spoke with a dear friend, also a coach, and told her how I was feeling and we had a useful conversation. It was helpful to get someone else's perspective. By this point, I'd been asked out by someone I already knew, and I wanted to seize the opportunity and kick my lack of body confidence into touch.

Don't let your lack of body confidence hold you back from living the life of your dreams. Find someone to talk to who can offer you a different perspective.

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